ـ "... إن فى الإنسان منطقة عجيبة سحيقة لا تصل إليها الفضيلة ولا الرذيلة ، ولا تشع فيها شمس العقل والإرادة ، ولا ينطق لسان المنطق ، ولا تطاع القوانين والأوضاع ، ولا تتداول فيها لغة أو تستخدم كلمة ... إنما هى مملكة نائية عن عالم الألفاظ والمعاني ... كل مافيها شفاف هفاف يأتي بالأعاجيب فى طرفة عين ... يكفي أن ترن فى أرجائها نبرة ، أو تبرق لمحة ، أو ينشر شذا عطر ، حتى يتصاعد من أعماقها فى لحظة من الإحساسات والصور والذكريات ، ما يهز كياننا ويفتح نفوسنا على أشياء لا قبل لنا بوصفها ، ولا بتجسيدها ، ولو لجأ إلى أدق العبارات و أبرع اللغات ... " ـ

توفيق الحكيم

Within man lies a deep wondrous spot, to which neither virtue nor vice can reach. Upon which the sun of reason and will never rises. In which the mouth of logic never speaks, the laws and rules are never obeyed, and not a language is used nor a word is ever spoken.
It is a distant Kingdom, beyond words and meanings. With everything is a sheer murmur offering wonders in a blink. From the depths of which, suffice a single tone or a flash of mind or a scent of a perfum, to allow rise of emotions, pictures and memories, a rising that will shake our being and open ourselves to things we can neither describe nor materialize even if we used the most refined of phrases or the most skillful of languages.

Tawfiq Al-Hakim.
(My humble transalation of the arabic text)

Saturday, March 11, 2017

To my Mr. fifty ..a Thank You note... ten years later!

Well, I just hope you read this post :)

Why this late ?. I don't know, may be it's because as we grow older we come to understand or re-evaluate people and/or situations more accurately and so we understand more. It took me like seven or eight years to realize that I really want to thank you. Which means that I have been thinking about writing this note for ... like 3 years.

Why did I choose to call you Mr. Fifty ?. :D Well, may be because one day a long time ago, ten years or so,  you said you had a "dark side" that we never really delved into but I could guess parts of it in a way, and so he reminds me of you. Maybe because like him, you used the word "It's complicated" a lot :) I would say, a lot more than him. And maybe because I want  to return to my younger more carefree, playful self, who used to play with words or so and let movies and novels have a great influence on her expressions. But probably because I evaluate you and I in our humble chaste old relationship as Mr. fifty and miss Steele.
I just hope my subconscious is not that twisted to wish to be Ana Steele :D.

Some metaphor I know, but I find it incredibly fit :), the physical aspect of their relationship was never there in ours in any form I know, But, and that's what a want to thank you for...

Through you, I learned a lot, and I mean a lot, about people in general, about life, about art even, but mostly and most importantly I guess, about myself .
Somehow, Unknown to you at first I believe, You took that old naive girl who was really with the emotions of a 15 year old to the new level of her real age and mindset.
I thank you for accepting our differences, most of the time :D, and focusing on what we had in common.
I thank you for not enforcing any thing that I didn't like to deal with,
I thank you for putting me on the first step of a long staircase leading me to understand myself, know what I would accept and what I would refuse, what I would like and what I would hate, what I would tolerate And what I would never ever tolerate.
I thank you for giving me a chance to see a man with a dark side and realize that he is not the worst creature on planet, To teach me that bad is not absolute and so I made the correlation and learned that good is not absolute too. And that is one important correlation in this modern life :).
Most important point I really wanted to thank you for is being True to yourself, most of the time I know, not full time :) but at least you had the courage to say out loud at least once how do you really see yourself. Though I too - like Grey - think the distance gives people some courage.
Through you and because of you I learned that life isn't really black or white, that people are never in black or white, each and every one of us is really fifty shades of gray, that the only difference is that some people admit that they have this dark side and some live the lie till the end .

P.S. I know for sure that you never meant to teach me all that, and for sure you don't know that you had such an impact on me, but I thank the chance that made it happen :).

2 comments:

Meshmesha said...

Welcome back, I missed your posts A LOT :)
Your post made me wonder why sometimes we need another 'special' person to get to know "ourselves" ...is it because we are really familiar with our many sides so we do not even notice them. The multiple shadows for the right and wrong is a precious lesson, so you were lucky I guess.
Look forward for your next posts :)

Mmm! said...

Meshmesha :)
thank you, you make me feel like I'm writing something "Important" :) I'm not, I'm just expressing myself!. Just today it hit me that this is really my only personal space left in this hectic life I live, can you believe it , that's probably why I was much healthier when I wrote here more often a few years ago.
Back to the substance of your comment, I don't suppose the other person has to be "special", I guess that "person" has to exist in the first place. the situation itself can give us a glimpse of who we really are down deep. Not who we, or the others, think we are.
I guess the reason in my case was the lack of interaction, the overprotected up-bringing, which is the mostly case in our region, over-protection for a boy or girl equally. not a chance to venture, to try and error, you have to be perfect from day one!.
I was really never aware of some edges in my personality before my meeting with Mr. fifty. so that may answer your second question. The gift was to discover the dark side of one-self because of the existence of someone else's dark side.
And Yesssss, the lesson of "the multiple shadows" of right and wrong, good and evil is, I think, the most precious lesson I've ever learned in my life up till now . that's the reason I wrote this post of gratitude I guess .